Brought to you by the Depression Is Real Coalition, The Down & Up Show is dedicated to the reality of depression. Each week our hosts will talk with some of the world's top experts on depression, as well as people who have been impacted by this illness. The reality of depression is that it is a debilitating and potentially deadly medical condition that affects more than 15 million Americans every year. The other reality of depression is that there is hope.

Down & Up Show #32: Hiking Out with author Dick Sederquist

DR. REEF KARIM:
Welcome to another episode of the Down and Out Show on Depression is Real.org, I'm Dr. Reef Green, psychiatrist at the (Unint.) Psychiatric Institute and your host for today's show. I was pleased that the coalition asked me to guest host one of their pod casts because I believe their mission is basically the same as mine which is to help people understand what depression is and to help people lead happier, healthier lives.

For today's episode we're speaking with Dick Fedderquist (ph.) author of "Hiking Out, Surviving Depression with Humor and Insight Along the Way". Dick's a retired engineer who's written a book of essays discussing his experience with and recovery from depression.

In addition to being a depression survivor, he is also a cancer survivor. Dick thank you for taking the time out to speak with us today so that our listeners may help, you know, be helped through your experience.

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Glad to be here.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Good, so when and how did you realize you were living with depression?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Well about 31 years ago I had, what you would call an emotional crash all my live, I guess I had rationalized that I was a special person in that I always seem to be fighting my moods and and rationalizing and talking to myself in a sense, justifying why I felt as poorly as I did.

But I I never recognized that as depression, I guess I just thought it was something special or different about myself. But 31 years I I suffered a real emotional crash and suddenly I was sitting there with almost this cacophony of of thoughts in my mind, unable to you know it was like like water at a boil.

There were so many inputs, so many stimulus's, I just couldn't stand it you know, I felt like I I'd just as soon be dead or asleep, I couldn't I couldn't I just couldn't take it. And I realized right away I had to be extremely honest and admit to myself, alright, I'm off the deep-end and I need help.

And I sought help immediately and I got enormous help from my wife and my and my kids and and my firm, so you know with their support you know, I couldn't let them down, I had to get better. So for everybody I I pulled myself together. But it was a long haul and it's taken me a long time.

DR. REEF KARIM:
I think you make a really good point and and then point is that a lot of people out there that are suffering depression don't realize they have depression, they feel that there's something different or kind of special about themselves that makes them have more erratic moods or feel kind of more in that that sad kind of space.

But they don't necessarily say, oh I have depression, I have something different about my brain or my neuro-chemistry.

DICK SEDERQUIST:
That's that's the way I felt, I just really didn't understand it. But when I crashed, I mean I felt so awful, I thought I was going to die, so immediately I just said hey, I'm an engineer, I mean I know if if something's broke you got to fix it, so I immediately sought help and and I got a lot of good advice and and you know I started to pull myself slowly together.

It I was suffering from extreme anger, anxiety I was almost afraid to go out of the house, it was just you know an awful feeling and so with the help then I decided well okay, now I'm getting help so let's let's all work on this together and I was extremely honest with myself and I was very honest with my friends and they knew exactly that I was at wits end.

So you know I came out of the closet you might say, I came out of the closet, the depression closet, and let everybody know, I need your help and and my friends, my hiking friends, my work friends, they really rallied behind me and and I'm really blessed with a a fantastic family and a fantastic set of friends.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Well you obviously in this book talk about hiking and it sounds like hiking is a great way for you and possibly for many other people to to look at kind of an alternative way of of being introspective and and of learning more about yourself. How do you step back and find the peace when you're having stress and being in stressful situations, whether you're on the hiking trail or off the hiking trail?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Well a lot of people will, you'll hear people say, you know I go to church but my real church is in the woods, so clearly the woods or the mountains are a beautiful place to reflect on and with the beauty with all around you. And also I'm not a solo hiker, so I normally hike with my wife or friends, and particularly with my son.

And I've bonded with my son over the years, he's been hiking with me for 37 years and so that bond gets strengthened every time we hike together. So it's it's I regenerate myself when I got out because I'm not under any stress. A very important thing about hiking or anything like that is any kind of physical activity is is good when it comes to depression.

When I first crashed, I had to do something, my doctor says well just do something stupid, just do something. So I was painting shutters and scraping shutters just getting my mind off it and hiking is a perfect way to get your mind of it because you're thinking about your next step what you're going to do.

So it's easy to kind of put the bad thoughts and the other things you know out of the way for awhile and and get things into perspective. So it's just doing something physical is probably the best possible thing you could ever do in terms of self-treatment.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Yeah the the research on physicality in regards to depression is pretty strong, I mean it's strong enough where as if you're a runner, if you're a hiker, if you do something that gets your blood moving, you increase be a little doctorly, receptor activation in your

DICK SEDERQUIST:
All those endorphins in your head

DR. REEF KARIM:
Yeah, so you get that endorphin rush, there's a cascade of your opiate receptors and what ends up happening is you feel better and it's like this kind of quick burst of good feelings that cause you to feel more motivated, pay more attention to things, be a little more a little better in regards to concentration and your mood gets uplifted.

It may last awhile or it may not, but at least there's something there that's kind of getting things moving in regards to your mental health.

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Yeah it's also, it's good because you you can set you know many, many goals and larger goals my hiking career has been all about climbing high peaks and stuff like that and so every time you take a hike or go somewhere, you know you've made a small achievement and and you reward yourself with thinking about, gee, that was great and that was fun.

So I I think it's a learned behavior and I learned it particularly following psychiatry and then going with a a psychologist and basically taught me techniques, behavior management techniques to relax and hiking is certainly one of the greatest, relaxing techniques.

DR. REEF KARIM:
That's great, that's great. You mention in your book and your hiking and the power behind that first step. Can you share with our listeners what you mean by this, what is that first step (unint.)?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Well just going back to the title of this pod cast, the Down and Up. I liken depression to the Grand Canyon and it's easy to get into it or down into it but it's real hard getting up. And but the only way you get our of the Grand Canyon, you know, out of the valley of despair is taking a step, stepping up.

And it's a succession of steps which gets you to your goal. And goal setting is one thing and then you find also that it's just the journey itself, it's taking the hike, taking the walk or the swim or whatever you do that that is extremely helpful. So taking one step at a time gets you to your destination.

Taking one step at a time is is part of the journey and there's no such thing for example as the ultimate meal, ultimate experience even when you get to the end of the hike, when you get back to your car again, you know, you've done a complete circuit. But the journey itself was important.

And therefore that first step or all the steps that add together bring you to your destination or bring you to better health so it's a that's what I mean by the first step of a making the analogy of hiking to you know, a way to stop depression.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Yeah and what when you talk about renewing your spirit and getting away, what does that mean exactly?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
To me well I have a my favorite expression is that the last trip I take is always the best one. My son and I go off and we have a great trip and we always say, boy this is the best trip of all. But if you if you think what that means, it also means that the trip is also going to be even better because if each trip is the best, then the next one is better.

And so hiking is all about rewards thinking about what you just did, but also in terms of thinking to the future things if you think positively in terms of things will be better in the future, like the next hike will be a better hike then this hike, then the next day will be better then this day.

So it's all about hope and and holding hope in your heart and so again, the analogy or the metaphor that I've created here and that's what my book tries to do, is is talk about you know the last trip is always the best but the next trip is even going to better, so therefore, life is going to be better.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Okay did you encounter other people with depressive symptoms or experiences similar to yours on your travels?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Yeah I think a lot of hikers must be depressed people because I think they hike because it it makes them feel better. I just gave a a presentation, a speech to the Appalachian Mountain folk here in Connecticut and there was about 60 people there. And I was surprised at the number of people who came up to me afterwards and thanked me for the speech and you know the stories I told and stuff like that.

But also admitted to me, you know, I'm really I'm a depressed person and I hike you know to make me make myself feel better and hiking saved my life. So I think it's it's a common experience and maybe more hikers are depressed then others, I don't know but it's people certainly use hiking or physical activity as a way to make themselves feel better.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Now when we hear hiking, some people view that as kind of strolling, strolling up hill, and to other people it's it's very challenging, hikes in very, very challenging terrain. It sounds like you hiked in some very challenging conditions, now how did you persevere through physical and mental adversity during that time?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Well first hiking can be as any kind hiking whether it's strolling on the flat, the what I do not hike in Florida, you know, there's no mountains there, but it's fun. But how do I persevere I persevere and I've been out on some really lousy conditions, you know, particularly very cold or or weather where you could suffer from exposure and things like that.

And the way I persevere and it's basically my philosophy is this, I'm fine as long as I keep moving, as long as I don't stop and quit and the analogy or the metaphor there again is between and and depression, that I as long as I keep going, as long as I don't stop and and just lay down and die, I mean I'm going to be fine.

So whether it's extreme hiking or whether or whether it's extreme emotions I find that if I just keep going and that I'm going to be fine. So I'm confident that if I keep going that I'll get out of the woods or I'll get out of the valley of depression or whatever it is, and I'll be fine, so that's my philosophy.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Okay can you talk about your experience with depression and tendencies for excessive compulsive disorder or symptoms of OCD?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
I've suffered from OCD and particularly before my crash because I was always you know obsessing about why I felt the way I did and stuff like that. And I was always worried about financial situations and what happens if I failed and when I heard when I was kid you know, if you fail you become a bum.

So whatever if I fail I become bum, so I was always seeming to obsessively counting my money or or compounding interest in my head, will I have enough money when I retire and stuff like that. And this went on and on, it drove me crazy. So I realized that obsessive compulsive behavior is part of depression, it's like a mantra of depression.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Can you talk about the role your family and your friends played, cause obviously having (unint.) huge part of this and how do they continue to play in the management (unint.)?

DICK SEDERQUIST: Well when I crashed my wife was just wonderfully, my wife is kind of a private person and she didn't like to air all this stuff with her friends, me I just wore my heart on my sleeve and just admitted to everybody I got a problem. But she hung in with me and I know people who have suffered from depression and their wives left them, in other words, (unint.) feeling the blues, the wife deserted for another ship.

My wife hung in with me and my kids hung in with me and my good friends, my carpool friends, at work and the guy I walked with at lunchtime. I mean I poured my heart out to these people and they just they made no judgments, they just hung in. The human resources director at my company, when he knew that I was having trouble and stuff like that, he says, if you ever feel lousy or just feel like you got get away, he says, just walk into my office and tell me to leave and he says I will leave and I'll just let you alone.

So I you know there were a few people who maybe were embarrassed by the fact that you know they didn't want to be around anybody who was sick. Most of the people rallied to my cause and my friends are the same way. I've got some awful good friends, hiking friends and regular friends.

And you know they're not afraid to give me a dig and and criticize the hell out of me and you know let me know when I'm being stupid. But but also they make no judgment and they and they're my constant friends so I'm I'm really blessed, plus great children and great grandchildren we're a very lucky family.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Can you talk about your experience when you you abandoned your watch, you lost track of time for a few days while on a hike. What was that about?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Yeah my mother had terminal lung cancer and had a respiratory arrest and stuff like that. So she ended up on in the ICU on a respirator, eight weeks and it was the most awful experience I ever had and I was, you know, I was there at the hospital everyday, twice a day.

And it was just this grinding certainty that this was all going to end up you know the ultimate tragedy. And my father who was a manic depressive as well, had bi-polar illness, was helpless in this situation. So it all fell on my shoulders, mostly and so when it was all over, the funeral, I took off with my son to the Adirondack Mountains and and we off into the woods and we were going to a three day backpack trip.

And the first thing that happened was my watch gets stripped off my wrist in some undergrowth that we were bushwhacking. So I had no watch and all of a sudden I just realized like you know this is really the best thing that ever happened to me because I had been counting the seconds, the minutes, the hours, you know, of my mother's terminal illness to the point where she would die.

And suddenly I was without a timepiece and I was forced to just relax and forced to just spend the whole time with my son and and just do what we wanted to do and not be there was no watch, there was no timepiece to tell us when to get up or go to up or anything like that. So I just kind of became free and fancy and it was the best three days of my life.

I obviously bonded with my son a great deal. So

DR. REEF KARIM:
Do you have any final thoughts any last comments you'd like to share?

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Yeah I you know I think have I think I have some skills here in terms of writing and I certainly been through the mill when it comes to depression and I you know, having seen the dark side, I can appreciate the light side and I think I can write about it quite effectively and I like to communicate with people.

I like to give presentations and talks and stuff like, so I hope, I hope I can do more in the future. I have a charity, my proceeds from my book go to a charity and so I would like to do more in this area and then talk with groups and stuff like that and share my experiences and

So you know teach the course in a sense I've got I'm 70 almost 70 years old, I've got maybe 20 years left if I'm lucky and I'd like to give back I'd like to share with others, so I think this is a great experience and and writing, it helped me a lot. I've learned a lot more from my own writing and writing is certainly another good thing that people can do when they're (unint.) and stuff like that.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Well you sound like a great professor, a great instructor for teaching the course and yeah I want to thank you for sharing your experiences with us. I'm positive many of our listeners will be inspired by your story.

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Well thank you and I enjoyed talking with you.

DR. REEF KARIM:
Thanks again Dick. For the Depression is Real Coalition, I'm Dr. Reef Green, join us next time for another segment of the Down and Up Show on Depression is Real.org. Take care.

DICK SEDERQUIST:
Thank you.